How To Network Your Way Into A New Career (Without Feeling Like A Slimy, Lying Con Artist)

You know you’re supposed to be networking. But  no matter how many people tell you it works, the thought still turns your stomach. Does it really have to be so awful? Ponder the points why people are at the core of any career change, and how to tap into their knowledge and connections without feeling shifty.

The first three months of my career change were among the loneliest of my life.

I felt like a pinball in a machine, bouncing hour-by-hour from frustration, to sadness, to anger, to hopelessness. 

People would ask me how work was going, and I’d either paste on a smile and tell them it was fine, or I’d slide into a dispirited monologue about how my boss was a halfwit and the organisation was badly-run, and the conversation would turn into a slanging match about our respective workplaces. 

I’d scroll, glassy-eyed, through job site after job site.

I was embarrassed by how I was feeling.

I had no idea how to deal with the problem I saw in front of me.

Jobs in industries that excited me were few and far between, and my CV was a smorgasbord of now-useless experience, channeling me back, over and over again, into roles I knew I wouldn’t be happy in for long.

As far as I was concerned, nobody understood, and nobody could help me. 

It’s odd, looking back, that I was so withdrawn in my battle with my shift.

If the bonnet of my car started steaming on the motorway, I’d call a mechanic. I’d even wave down a passer-by.

If I was upset or frustrated with my boyfriend, I’d call a friend, talk it out, come up with a way forward.

If I couldn’t find the spice I wanted in the supermarket, I’d find a sales assistant and ask them for help.

I wasn’t a living in a vacuum.

I knew that the solutions to most of my challenges in life could be found in other people.

But for some reason, with my career change, I seemed determined to suffer alone.

I was familiar with the phrase: “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know”

But the way I was familiar with it was very specific. 

This was a phrase traditionally uttered with a distinct sneer. It was occasionally accompanied by a disgusted eye-roll, and usually seasoned with a hopeless sigh.

And that phrase had its ankle tightly bound, three-legged-race-style, to the word ‘networking’.

Knowing the right people was a strategy for double-dealing schmoozers. 

Networking was a cold-hearted, duplicitous tactic for shimmying up the greasy pole.

And when I considered the idea of ‘networking’ myself, I was belted by a nauseating wave of shame and embarrassment.

I imagined going to an event packed full of people who worked in an industry that excited me, and having nothing useful to say to anyone. 

I imagined sitting in the car on the way to a meeting, rehearsing phrases that were essentially 'begging disguised as conversation'.

I didn’t know enough to be able to impress. I didn’t have the experience to be credible. I didn’t have anything to offer anyone.

And then I did something that changed everything.

I networked.

By accident.

It didn’t look like networking.

It didn’t feel like networking.

I’d never have thought to call it networking.

But it was networking.

And it was awesome.

At a fundraising event for a charity I used to work for, I got chatting to a woman named Deborah, who said she was a business consultant. 

“On the side, though, I’m actually working on setting up another project,” she said. ”I’m really interested in having people feel great at work – looking at how to bring wellbeing into the workplace on a wider scale.”

Without thinking, I replied with something along the lines of: “That sounds fascinating – and it’s a little spooky how aligned it is with the kinds of things I’ve been exploring myself. Do you mind if I take your e-mail address, and maybe we can grab a coffee sometime? I’d love to hear more.”

Deborah and I went for that first coffee a week later. She told me more about her plans for the project. 

I shared how I was feeling at work, and the kinds of things I dreamed of doing. 

She offered to introduce me to a friend of hers who had recently made a documentary about natural horsemanship. 

When I received an e-mail from the friend, packed full of information on places to train as a natural horsemanship specialist, I forwarded it to Deborah with a thank-you-for-introducing-us note and and an article I’d found about natural horsemanship retreats for executive teams.

The next time Deborah and I met, she made me an offer: “I know you’ve not done anything like this before, but I like the way our minds work together and I really want to get this side business off the ground. Will you help me launch it?”

Deborah and I worked on her business together for six months, defining her offering, writing her website, and designing the services she would later offer. Many of the skills I learned with Deborah, I still use today.

None of what I’d just done felt like networking. It felt like making friends.

And yet, that simple request of a stranger at a fundraising event sparked new connections all over the world (many of which I’ve used on my travels since), my first ever paid freelance work, and a strong stepping stone on my path to work I love.

Here’s what I learned about why ‘networking’, when done right, is the single best thing you can do for your career change, and how to network in ways that feel authentic and nourishing.

Three reasons to pull your networking-phobic head out of the sand

I have no doubt that it’s possible to change career without ever doing anything like networking.

But when you’re confused or trapped in your career change, there’s no more effective technique to get unstuck than having great conversations with the right people. 

Here are a few reasons why.

1. The world of work is made of people

We think of the world of work as being made up of processes, systems and channels.

You find a job online.
You find the button that says “Apply Now”
You send in a piece of paper that fits the agreed format for introducing yourself in the world of work.
You get accepted for interview, or you get rejected.

Faceless, nameless, heartless processes and systems. 

And we relate to the institutions that make up the world of work as faceless, nameless entities.

No wonder it feels like crap.

But the part that we forget is that at every stage of that process, there are people.

Companies, organisations, HR departments – they’re all made of people.

Yes, they’ve set up a system to streamline the way they find employees, or co-founders, or whatever.

But ultimately, what they want is to find great people to work with.

So how about you do them a favour, and make yourself visible?

If you want to be that great person for a company or organisation that excites you, the first meaningful step is to let them know you’re there. You’re there to help them do the work they’re here to do.

Some of those people will be the people who make decisions about hiring.

Others will be people who know the people who make decisions about hiring.

Others will be people who have nothing to do with hiring whatsoever, but who know a huge amount about the industry that you’re dying to get into, and would be perfectly happy to share their expertise with you.

‘Networking’ is nothing more than making connections with other human beings. And those human beings are the industry you want to be a part of.

2. People are the key to everything you don’t know

As a career changer, the vast majority of obstacles and challenges in your way aren’t solid, tangible, immovable objects. 

They're things you don’t yet know.

You don’t know what you want to do next in your career (you have some vague ideas, but you don’t know).

You don’t think you can make a shift without compromising your mortgage (i.e. you don’t know).

You’re pretty sure you’ll have to take a salary drop anyway to start from the bottom in your new chosen industry (i.e. you don’t know).

You’ve got no experience, so you can’t imagine anyone giving you a chance (i.e. you don’t know).

These all show up for you as challenges, right now – but the answers to these challenges can be found fairly easily: by talking to people who know more than you do about the industry you want to move into.

“If you want to go somewhere, it is best to find someone who has already been there.” – Robert Kiyosaki

Mark, who took part in our Pioneer Course this summer, wanted to get into organisational change management. He had no idea how anyone got started from scratch in the industry. It seemed like one of those fields that drew business consultants and psychologists, but he was a Chemistry lecturer at a university. He was convinced nobody would take him seriously, and that he’d have to start from the bottom of the salary ladder.

He reached out to three people working in change management on LinkedIn, and asked for a quick chat to learn more about the industry. 

Only one responded, but that one was more than enough. 

Mark was buzzing after his chat. He’d found out about three events being held in London where he could meet more people in the industry, a free weekend training course he could attend, and lots of insider information about how to break into the change management field without breaking the bank.

“It was only a 25-minute conversation, but I learned so much. 95% of the doors I thought were closed to me are now swinging open.”

3. It’s cheaper than a postgraduate degree

One of the challenges that 90% of the people we work with at Careershifters say they’re up against, is the fact that moving into a new industry usually appears to require retraining in some way (unless you want to start from the very bottom of the ladder).

“Employers won’t even look at my application because I don’t have <insert wildly expensive and time-consuming qualification here>.”

And it’s true. If a person spec. says that the job requires a qualification, it’s usually the first thing someone will look for when filtering through that stack of CVs on their desk.

But if you’re sitting in front of someone, talking passionately about the industry they work in, asking them questions about what they do, letting your personality and life experience shine through, the ‘qualification’ question fades into the background. 

“Most skills can be learned, but it is difficult to train people on their personality. If you can find people who are fun, friendly, caring and love helping others, you are on to a winner.” – Richard Branson

This isn’t to say that qualifications are never necessary to land a new role or progress in a new field. I’d be deeply uncomfortable having a heart operation with an unqualified surgeon who was simply “passionate about medicine”. 

But for a surprising number of careers, all you really need is to be seen. Truly seen for who you are, as a 360-degree human being with skills and experience and motivation and drive and passion. And the only way to be ‘seen’ is to get in front of people’s eyes.

Patrick (pictured right) had no experience in the design world, and shifting from management consulting felt like an enormous leap.

He decided to throw himself, full-tilt, into the design industry. He researched everything he could find about the way the industry operated, read articles and books on design, and, crucially:

“I delved deep into my personal network to find people who could tell me more about the industry and whether there was a place for someone with a business background but no design experience…”

The person he found referred him for a job at a leading London design consultancy – a company that would usually be looking for qualifications or experience at the very least.

But once Patrick was in front of them...

“When I got to the first interview, all of the reading and research that I'd done made it clear to the interviewers that I was truly passionate about design and that I'd done my homework. At the end of the day, it was my self-awareness and passion for the space that encouraged Frog to take a risk on me when I didn't have a background in design.”

Five ways to remove the 'ick' factor (and make better connections as a result)

Here’s the biggest lesson I’ve learned about networking without feeling like an asshole:

1. Don't 'network'

“Networking is rubbish; have friends instead.” – Steve Winwood

The networking elephant in the room. It’s bright orange, trumpeting like a klaxon and emblazoned with a neon sign that says: “YOU’RE ALL OUT TO GET SOMETHING.”

Ultimately, this is what I hated about the idea of networking.

As a career-changer who ultimately wanted someone to give me a chance, the power dynamic in any networking situation felt inherently skewed. 

And because I was so frustrated at work, I wanted to see results, quickly. I wanted useful information on how to get into an industry I was interested in. I wanted to be introduced to other people who might be helpful. I wanted job offers or work experience opportunities, or anything…

And I really, really didn’t want to feel that way.

I pictured myself skulking around people’s ankles like a needy monkey, scrabbling for scraps.

Thing is, I met awesome people all the time in other contexts without dealing with this creepy desperation. 

And so do you.

Switch your mindset from ‘networking to get a result’ to ‘hanging out with interesting people’. In fact, cut the phrase ‘networking’ out of your vocabulary entirely. Call it ‘connecting’. Making a connection, with another human being. 

Jim Rohn said: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

What that means for your shift is that surrounding yourself with a new group of people – people who share your passions, who see the world in a different way – will open up new possibilities, ideas, and opportunities in your life.

Focus on connecting, simply to shift the balance of the people you have around you, not to get a specific result. Meet interesting people. Have interesting conversations with them. 

Open up your world.

The results will come naturally.

2. Tell the truth

“It’s been such an incredible relief to stop lying all the time.” – Katy, October 2015 Pioneer

One of the most excruciating things about networking – and what puts most career changers off – is the feeling of having to impress the people you’re meeting. 

When you’re trying to make a shift into a new industry, it’s easy to feel as though you have to package yourself attractively, hide the uncomfortable parts of what you’re dealing with, and sound like you have everything perfectly under control.

But (as I’m sure we’ve all experienced) it’s incredibly difficult to connect with someone who’s all smooth and shiny and perfect as a pane of glass. 

There’s no authenticity there. There’s no brave, warm, human connection.

Authenticity is the single most powerful tool for any career changer who’s looking to develop a nourishing and useful new community.

Allow the people you’re connecting with to see you as a whole person: skilled and talented and experienced in your current field, and also pretty confused and a bit vulnerable, if that’s what you are. 

That frankness – that honesty and authenticity – is what will form the bedrock of an actual relationship between you, rather than a cold, functional exchange.

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness.” – Brené Brown

Let people know that you’re really stuck in your shift. Explain why doing work you love matters to you. Share your ideas with them, and let them know where you’re stuck. Give them a reason to want to help you move forward.

Give them a person to connect with.

3. Be curious

“The single greatest "people skill" is a highly developed & authentic interest in the other person.” – Bob Burg

It may come as a relief to know that connecting meaningfully with other people is much more a practice in making them feel great than a practice in looking great yourself.

For many of us, we connect ‘networking’ with the end result we’re looking for: getting into a career we’re passionate about. 

But what works infinitely better is simply being curious about the world, and the people we’re talking to. 

Ask questions. Make them feel valued, and heard, and interesting.

What do they love about what they do? Given your shared interest, what do they think you’d love to know? How did they get into the field they’re working in? What are they working on right now?

Get interested in the person you have in front of you. 

Taking networking from 'slimy and embarrassing' to 'comfortable and useful' requires little more than a shift in mindset. It’s not about getting something for yourself. It’s about creating a relationship. 

And what better way to create a relationship than to get deeply, authentically curious about the human being you’re creating it with?

By being curious, you won’t have to be crafty about getting what you ultimately want. You’ll encourage the person you’ve met to open up. It’ll happen organically, easily, and honestly.

No slimy ‘networking’ needed.

4. Make it easy

The other deeply important element of any meaningful relationship is respect.

And in this context, we’re talking about respect for people’s time, for their energy, and for their choices.

I receive lots of requests for my ideas and input on people’s career change every week. And the ones that fill my heart with gratitude, and impress me the most?

They’re the five-liners.

“Hi Natasha,

I’m a <insert job title here>, dreaming of doing something more meaningful with my life. Trouble is, I’m feeling really trapped by <insert challenge here>. 

I love what you do at Careershifters, so I wanted to ask for a brief nudge in the right direction.

I’m really struggling with financing my shift / coming up with new career ideas / whatever.

What would be your top three pieces of advice for someone in my position?

Thanks in advance.

Name.”

This kind of a message tells me a lot about the person who sent it.

They took the time to get clear about what they wanted before they wrote me a message (i.e: they respect my time enough not to make me sit there for a half hour, trying to work out what they’re asking for, in amongst their entire life history and a long stream of consciousness)

They were specific about what they wanted: three pieces of advice. Not ‘any thoughts or ideas you have’ (most of my thoughts and ideas are very unprofessional, and I don’t think they’re what you actually want)

They’re human. Even in those brief five lines, they’ve said something that reminds me of how I felt when I made my own shift. 

It leaves me grateful, and it makes me want to help them.

The easier you can make it for someone to help you, the more likely it is that they will.

1. Be specific about what you’re asking for. Do you want 30 minutes of their time over a coffee, or do you want the 3 best resources they’ve ever come across on a topic? Or introductions to 2 people they think could help you? Be specific. Make it easy for them.
2. Be mindful of people’s time (no need to be weird and grovelly, just keep an eye on it). Get to the point quickly, where you can. If you ask for 30 minutes, wrap up at 30 minutes. They can always offer to continue if they’re having fun. 
3. Do as much as you can do on your own. Go for coffee near their office, not yours. Research the company yourself, so you can ask specific questions instead of making them tell you everything from the start. 

Mutual respect is the bedrock of any decent friendship, business relationship, or any other kind of ‘ship’. By starting out in a respectful way, you’re creating a foundation for a relationship that could quickly turn into something beautiful.

5. Spread the love

“Networking is simply the cultivating of mutually beneficial, give and take, win-win relationships. It works best, however, when emphasising the 'give' part.” – Bob Burg

No matter who you are, what you do for a living now, or how amazing the person you’ve met is, you have something of value to offer in return for their help.

Offer it.

Maybe you’ve found an article online that you think they’ll enjoy. Send it to them.

Maybe you had a thought about the project they’re working on. Share it with them.

Maybe you’ve just met someone you think they’d love. Introduce them.

Find a way to keep track of who you’ve spoken to, and when, and maintain the relationships you’ve started. Have the people you meet feel valued and cared for. Keep them in mind as you move through the world, in the same way as you might with a friend or a relative.

This is what will shift the balance of an interaction from slimy to sublime, from ‘networking’ to ‘connection’.

“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued.” Brené Brown

It’s all about finding great people, and sharing what we know. Pooling our resources. Supporting one another. Exploring ideas together. Taking care of one another.

There’s nothing slimy about that.

Two simple ways to get started

So you're inspired, geared up, and ready to see what new connections you can harness to get your career change moving again.

How do you get the ball rolling?

1. Piggyback on bumblebees

For network-phobes, there’s little quite as horrifying as the thought of ‘cold’ networking – getting in touch with someone you don’t know, with no introduction or lead-in, to try and make an impression. 

So skip the cold contacts and go right to your most likely source of introductions: your bumblebees. 

Bumblebees are the people in your current community (friends, family, colleagues, ex-colleagues, acquaintances, etc.) who are natural-born connectors and cross-pollinators. They seem to know loads of people, they’re always on the phone, and if you put them in a room at a party they’ll always leave with twenty new friends.

Do a quick mental ‘scan’ through your friends, family and acquaintances, and start by identifying the biggest ‘bumblebee’ among them. 

Then, reach out. 

Send an e-mail, make a phone call, meet for coffee. Explain what you’re up to in your career and your shift, and ask if they know anybody who works in the fields you’re interested in. Who can they introduce you to? 

Plus: If you’re feeling fired-up and ready to play full-out, you can reach far wider than your bumblebees.

Katherine, one of my coaching clients, took the bold step of sending a text to twenty of her friends with a very simple, but deeply heartfelt message: 

“I’m miserable at work and dreaming of a career in interior design. Who do you know that I could talk to? Names, introductions and ideas welcome and gratefully received.”

Of the twenty people she messaged, eighteen responded, fourteen of them with at least one person they thought could help, or an idea to move her shift forward.

She was introduced to freelance interior designers, agency designers, a journalist for a major interiors magazine, an architect, and the head of an independent design agency who offered her two weeks’ work experience after a half-hour coffee meeting. 

That work experience later turned into a job offer.

And all from a lowly text message.

Connecting.

2. Leave the house

Your friends, family, and resident bumblebees are a phenomenal resource, if tapped correctly. 

And there’s also an entire world of people out there to meet, connect with, and get to know.

They’re on the street, in the supermarket, on the train…

They’re at seminars, classes, events, and parties.

If you look online, many of them will even tell you where they’re going to be and when.

And the wonderful thing about people is that they tend to travel in herds.

If there’s an open talk going on about economics at your local university, chances are there will be a whole herd of people interested in economics there.

If you’re interested in pottery, you can be almost certain that your local pottery class will be filled with other people who are also interested in pottery.

That fact, in itself, is clearly no great revelation.

But ‘networking’, at least in my mind when I first started out in my career change, happened in very specific places. It happened at Networking Events, and Conferences, and other places that required capital letters and a business suit.

I wouldn't have imagined it would happen at a talk at the National Theatre, where Claire (one of our Feb 2015 Pioneers) connected with a theatrical producer who offered her an hour of his time and advice on breaking into the industry.

I wouldn't have imagined it would happen at an event for female entrepreneurs, where Zoe (another Pioneer) met the editor of Style magazine and landed herself a single page spread to advertise her bag designs.

I wouldn't have imagined it would happen in my local bar (which is where I connected my way into a copywriting gig). I wouldn't have pictured it happening at the airport (which is where I met the woman who taught me how to live rent-free while I travelled the world). Nor in a flower shop (which is where I met a man who introduced me to a woman who later became my employer).

Connections can occur wherever there are people – and you’re very unlikely to find many people to help you out inside your house. (One would hope, if they were inside your house, you’d have found them by now).

Seek out places where people working in your industry might be found. Join them there. Introduce yourself. See what happens.

How do you network without feeling like a slimy, lying, con artist?

You don’t ‘network’. You connect.

You bring real humanity to the process. 

It’s as simple as that.

Meet people. Celebrate people. Make them feel good. Ask questions. Share who you are. Take care of them.

And watch your world shift and grow.

- Natasha (Careershifters)

3 Things To Remember When You Feel You're Not Where You Should Be

You should be further along in your shift. You should have done more. You’re not where you wanted to be by now. Sound familiar? Natasha shares three lessons to get you focused, freed-up and having fun with your career change.

Career change is widely discussed as though it’s a technical challenge. 

To find out what you’d love to do, you simply need to find the right tools, the right personality test, the right person who can tell you what’s available to you given your experience. And to make the shift, you need to get the right qualifications, shine up your CV, talk to the right people.

But for most of us who embark on a journey to find work we love, it’s so much more than that. It’s not all that technical. It’s ethereal, intangible, terrifying, and deeply human.

Career change isn’t really about changing your job. It’s not about spending 5 days per week in a different office. 

It’s about changing your life.

It’s about asking yourself, on a deep-down, beyond-the-gut-level: to what extent is my life my own creation?

Do I really get to say what direction I travel in?

And if I do, where do I want to go?

This might be the first time you’ve asked yourself this question in years – or even at all.

So many elements of our lives are pre-determined: grooves and channels are set up for us; all we have to do is get the ball rolling down them. And then we’re off, days and weeks and years of our lives flying past, while we barrel along unquestioningly. 

For some of us, though, there’s a feeling that creeps in, sliding through the cracks in our busy, hardworking lives. A sense of deep, nameless dissatisfaction with the way things are. A feeling that “there must be more to life than this”.

It’s uniquely painful to realise you’ve ticked so many boxes, done all the things you were supposed to do – worked hard to do them, too – and yet you’re still not happy. Why not? Where did you go wrong? So you get your head down again, work a bit harder, aim for that next promotion or a new client or an approving nod from the boss. Keep on pushing, in case the sense of fulfilment you were promised is around the next corner.

And yet, that feeling you’ve been grappling with; that shapeless, nameless malaise – it doesn’t go away. 

Some people live with that feeling for their entire lives. And others – others like you – they look it in the face and make the choice to do something different.

Sometimes, doing something different takes time. And sometimes, you're just about ready to chew your own arm off to make it happen faster. 

There are three ideas that I urge every career changer to remember when they feel like they're not where they're 'supposed to be'.

They're simple ideas and they live right at the core of a successful career change. Most of the time, they quietly wait for you to pause for a breath in amongst your frustrations and angsts and nitpicking, and notice them. And when you do, they change everything.

1. You’re doing something amazing. Celebrate yourself. 

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” ~ Theodore Roosevelt

You don’t know what you want to do yet.

Or, you do know, but there are challenges to getting there that you haven’t yet figured out.

It’s easy to spend much of your career change in a state of discomfort and uncertainty. Feeling disappointed that you haven’t yet got to where you want to be. Doubting your skills and talents, your commitment, even your ability to know what you want out of life. Beating yourself up because you don’t yet have all the answers, slamming up against the edges of your comfort zone and sliding down again, bruised and fed up. 

And yet, when you take a step back and take a proper look, you’re doing something incredible.

One of the reasons I do what I do is because I want to spend my days surrounded by people who inspire me.

People who aren’t willing to settle for ‘the norm’. People who are brave enough to ask themselves the big questions; to rock the boat a little; to create lives they love.

That’s you.

Maybe you’re not ‘there’ yet, wherever ‘there’ might be.

Maybe you’ve still got work to do, questions to answer, people to meet, opportunities to create.

But you’re in the arena. 

Take a second to consider that. Notice the courage it took to even begin this conversation with yourself and the world. Recognise the fact that it’s been tough; it’s been uncomfortable; it’s been unfamiliar; and you’re still here.

Bold enough to ask yourself the hard questions.

Committed enough to an extraordinary life to feel that discomfort and inch your way forward regardless.

That’s pretty incredible.

What could you do to honour the work you’ve put in? To celebrate being one of the brave few who are forging a new path for themselves? To recognise what kind of person you must be to take on your life in such a powerful way?

Take the time to acknowledge yourself. You deserve it.

2. If you don’t enjoy the journey, you’ll never reach your destination

“All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware.” ~ Martin Buber

You haven’t yet made it from A to B. The boxes aren’t all ticked yet. Your project is still ‘incomplete’.

And when you focus on that ‘not-yet-done’ status, it sucks, especially when you’ve been trying hard to move forward. It feels like failure. 

We’re taught that things are either done or not-done. Complete or incomplete. One or the other. Zero or One.

And yet… what if there was beauty in the 0.5?

Mid-shift, I was frantic. Crabby at work, crabby at home. I’d wake up most mornings and burst into tears at the thought of going to the office for even one more day. 

I’d spend my evenings scouring the internet for a weird blend of inspirational quotations, job advertisements and get-rich-quick schemes, and fall into bed square-eyed and despairing that I wasn’t a Zen Buddhist graphic designer with a 4-Hour Work Week.

I’d make progress on figuring out what I wanted to do, but the progress I made was never enough. I could tick off three amazing items on my career change To-Do list, and you could bet your bottom dollar I’d immediately beat myself up about the two I hadn’t yet achieved. 

Apart from work, the jobsite hamster wheel and copious amounts of self-flagellation, I didn’t do much. I didn’t take time out to do the things I enjoyed. I withdrew from my social life. The thought of doing something I really enjoyed felt like a waste of time. “Write? Go horseriding? Do some yoga? Don’t you know I have a career change to be getting on with?!”

My whole approach and emotional relationship to my career change transformed when I gave myself permission to enjoy the journey. To view it as an ongoing adventure, with beauty and important life-lessons in every question, every challenge, every experiment. If it was going to take longer than I expected, I might as well have a little fun along the way, right?

This was a chance for me to try out a ton of stuff that I thought might be fun. To talk to people I thought were awesome. To try things I’d never tried before and find out more about myself and what made me happy. 

Whether I got to an ‘end point’ or not, the journey itself was a chance for me to shake things up and enjoy my life more. And (punchline moment coming up) what happened as soon as I started to do the things I loved, and talk to people that inspired me, without all the emotional drama?

I found a way to make money from those things. And hang out with those people. All day long.

But – and this is a big one – even if I hadn’t found a career I loved a few months after making that shift, I’d have had an amazing time continuing with my journey. I honestly don't think I'd have minded all that much. I enjoyed the journey so much, in fact, that I designed my career around it.

What have you learned about yourself since you began your journey?

What have you done that’s new, or interesting, or exciting? How has your perspective on what’s possible changed?

Who are you that you weren’t before? What’s now possible for your future that was never a possibility before?

Even in the ‘stuck’ moments, even when you don’t know what to do next, there are opportunities to enjoy yourself; to expand your comfort zone; to become a more powerful, interesting, storied person.

Take them. Enjoy the journey. You’re allowed to have fun.

3. Screwing up is vital. Do as much of it as possible

“Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.” ~ Winston Churchill

On our Pioneer Course, we share an inspiring video with our community each week, and one of our favourites is this guy: Jia Jiang. 

Jia took on a project where he tried to be rejected or refused by someone for 100 days.

He tried to fail. Imagine that.

What would that shift in approach do for your career change?

What would you do differently if you knew the only way to succeed was to fail, repeatedly?

If there was absolutely no way you were going to find work you loved without making some monumental mistakes?

What if the whole joke was that your entire life was a long evolution, where the things you loved and wanted to do would change with each passing year, so this first shift you’re making might already be doomed to failure? 

Would you sweat the small stuff – agonising over whether the woman you met at that networking event would e-mail you and blaming yourself when she didn’t? 

Would you hammer yourself for weeks over a missed opportunity, or an embarrassing mistake, or the fact that you quit studying Biology when you were 16?

My guess is: probably not.

You’d seek out ways to mess up.

You’d give something a bash and then drop it if it didn’t feel right. No internal beatings involved.

You’d try a new business idea (in a small way, Lean Career-Change style) and when it flopped, you’d get really, really curious about why.

(Of course, when I decided to 'experiment' with floristry, and basically spent 6 months sitting in a cupboard, losing my sense of smell, it didn't take much curiosity to figure it out.) 

You’d be lighter with yourself. More gentle.

You’d try doing lots of things you’d never done before (like my stint as a pole-dance teacher), and laugh at yourself when things went wrong (like the day I taught a class for a hen party and wound up with a naked 64-year old Mother of the Groom being sick behind the DJ booth at two in the afternoon).

You’d celebrate the small wins and the oops-moments.

Maybe, you’d even zoom out a little. Realise that every passing moment is a moment of your life. Your life is not ‘on hold’ until you get to where you’re aiming for. Being happy is not something you put on the back burner until you sign a contract for work you love. 

This is it. 

The Messy Career Change Stage Nobody's Talking About (And How To Get Through It)

Feel like your career change is spinning out of control? Craving some certainty? If you’re thinking about jacking it all in, wait: it could be a sign you’re on the right track. 

You knew it wouldn't be easy.

Nothing worth doing is ever simple, right?

You even embraced that uncertainty at the start of your career change.

A new beginning – it was exciting! You could study, move overseas, apply for another job, or even start that new business. Everything was possible and time was on your side.

But somewhere along the way, that excitement has faded. There's no doubt that you're making some progress in your shift. You've discovered some new things about what you want, and you're coming up with fresh ideas. You're a bit clearer about your skills and how they might be useful in a career you'd love. Yet you still don't know exactly where you're headed.

Maybe your current job is taking up too much of your time. Or you're worried about finances now. Or your friends are asking – again – if you've figured out what you want to do with your career yet.

Things are getting uncomfortable. Despite your progress and all the things you've learned, there's still so much to do and so far to go. You're starting to think: "Maybe this was all just a stupid idea?"

Congratulations! This means you've made it to the middle.

And while it may not feel like it, this is a good place to be.

Because in the words of Brené Brown: "The middle is messy, but it's also where the magic happens."

Sound a little bit crazy? I can understand that. But let me reassure you that every single careershifter, myself included, knows how you're feeling right now.

In fact, in 'Rising Strong', Brown goes on to say that this mess in the middle is an essential part of the process. Whether you're writing the next Pixar movie, or, as in our case, changing careers:

"The door has closed behind you. You're too far in to turn around and not close enough to the end to see the light."

As I write this, I'm struggling in this exact situation; I'm in a mess of my very own.

I'm caught in the confusion between taking small steps towards my dream career, and the short-term practicalities of finances and needing to learn new skills. But I'm hanging in there, because I've seen and heard that this magic thing is real. The mess is part of the process that will get me to where I want to be.

So, before you roll your eyes, let's explore this together. Let's talk about what you can do to keep moving through the middle and start creating some magic of your own.

Let go of the need for certainty

Creating the life you want is scary, uncomfortable, confusing and unpredictable.

And the middle is where this gets very real.

It's easier said than done, but it's absolutely essential to keep resisting the need for certainty at this stage. By losing your inner control freak, you will make space to learn new information about yourself and ultimately be able to make the right decisions for you.

Mandy, one of my fellow Careershifters High Flyers, experienced this first-hand. She'd recently moved overseas, experimenting with areas of work she thought she might want to pursue, not to mention building a new business of her own on the side. But novelty and excitement very quickly turned to a stifling need to have more of a plan.

We all saw growth and energy and possibilities in the path she was taking. But she was upset and torn, and just wanted the confusion to end. "If you can stick with it you'll learn from it", we reassured her. "Don't try to force the decision too soon."

Just a few weeks later, Mandy found herself needing to change plans due to circumstances outside of her control. Having hung on in there when she'd really wanted to jump ship, she took this unexpected change of circumstances in her stride. More comfortable with the mess, she was able to keep taking steps forward, even when life threw her in a new direction.

We all learnt from Mandy's experience just how important it is to act. We all saw how vital it is to keep taking actions, however small, to move on through the middle. You don't have to know exactly what comes next.

If it were possible to think your way into your ideal career, you wouldn't need to be reading this right now. So ask yourself instead: 'What's the smallest, simplest thing I can do today to keep making progress?' And go out there and do it.

Keep up the hard work

In this world of Instagram and Facebook, it can be easy to believe that having the career you want is all blue skies and chai lattes.

The myth that work you love is as easy as pie has tripped many a careershifter on their way to new things.

I definitely still struggle with this one myself. The idea that you can create your own way of working is so alien to so many people that it can seem easier to follow the rules and stay within the system. I've lost count of the times I've wanted to throw in the towel, to just find someone to tell me what to do and to pay me for it! Then I remember where I've come from and why I don't want to go back.

In his call to action, Linchpin, Seth Godin says: "Being productive at someone else's task list is not the same as making your own map."

Through my own career change, I'm learning the difference between slogging it out for someone else's agenda, and working hard on something that's important to me. I'm starting to understand that 'hard' doesn't have to mean 'wrong' or 'bad'.

The challenge is part of the experience, not something to be avoided. In the words of Theodore Roosevelt:

"Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty… I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well."

If you're feeling the urge to skip the hard work, rather than compare yourself with Instagram, try talking to a real-life person: a friend, a family member, or a fellow careershifter can help you to remember why you're doing this, to recognise how far you've come, and maybe even to solve the problem that's bugging you right now.

Get back up, again and again

Unless you're exceptionally lucky, failure and rejection are simply part of this middle phase.

You're going to fall.

This can be a hard pill to swallow for the perfectionists amongst us, but it's an essential part of making real change.

The truth is, you're challenging the way things are usually done. Many of the people that are part of your career shift – from recruiters to potential employers or clients to friends and family – will feel uncomfortable around what you're doing.

Some may put you in a pigeonhole you no longer want to be in. Some may be so busy they miss your email asking for a meeting. Others may simply not understand why you're doing what you're doing.

All of them can help you to understand how to improve the next time.

Elizabeth Gilbert, of Eat, Pray, Love fame, is a big advocate of trying, failing, learning, and trying again. In her new book Big Magic, she describes the numerous rejections she experienced on the way to becoming an author:

"I kept not getting published, but that was OK, because I was getting educated."

So, you need to keep putting yourself out there to keep making progress. Keep asking for feedback so that you can learn from it and go for it again. To a degree, this is going to be a numbers game.

Sometimes it will hurt, like when you don't get the role you've been dreaming of because someone else has more experience than you do.

Sometimes it will make sense, like when you realise you didn't enjoy that course, so maybe web design is not the career for you after all.

Whatever you learn, you can use that to help you take your next step, to make your next decision and keep moving through the middle.

If you've been told you need more experience, what can you do to go out there and get it? Volunteering, studying and even creating your own project in your spare time could all help to create the portfolio you need to show you have what it takes.

There is no miracle cure

If you run now, you'll ease the short-term pain, but at what cost to your long-term dreams?

Building the career you want takes courage, commitment, failure and letting go, not just of your inner control freak but of that perfectionist in you too. It's no wonder that after a while, this all feels like a mess.

You're forging a new path, one that is as unique as you are. So, whether your map is finding the way to build your own business or to get that new role that's more meaningful to you, you're going to have to work hard at it. And that's OK.

This bit is uncomfortable, yes, but it's necessary. My experience with Careershifters is teaching me that if you fasten your seat belt and trust the process, it will bring you closer to where you want to be.

So, I'm going to embrace the mess! I'm going to keep taking those small steps, keep taking action and see where it all takes me. As Elizabeth Gilbert says, "Miraculous turns of fate can happen to those who persist in showing up."